South Africa

                               "Can I get a hell yeah..."

Dear Your Excellency, Mr President, The Chosen One, African Visionary, Bob

Please forgive me for being late in sending you my sincerest birthday wishes. As I'm sure you know South Africa also has its problems with an uppity press and errant judiciary, so this humble blogger has been hard at work showing them the light of inspiration that resides across our northern border. Yes my dear Robert it is a hard path to walk but with your fine example it makes the burden a bit easier to carry (sigh). The other day my good friend Vuyo Mvoko was saying how he was considering moving on to the fertile plains of East Harare. I replied to him earnestly "Go my son and know that all South Africa wishes you well on your journey to the most democratic state in Africa (if not the world!)" Some among us have questioned whether this African Utopia can be real, others can scarcely believe it to be true - fools! But then the chattering classes always try to break down a true visionery with their foul invective and fearmongering. No fear Robert, no fear, we have the facts on our side - the truth shall set them free -

• Under your fine leadership Zimbabwe has a triple digit inflation rate of over 600%;
• Under your exemplary tutelage Zimbabwe has a 70% unemployment rate;
• Under your visionary direction more than two-thirds of Zimbabweans consider food shortages as one of the most important problems they are facing;
• Under your most excellent management 46% of Zimbabweans surveyed said they had gone without food often in the past year;
• Under your inspirational target driven fiscal control 82% of Zimbabweans say they expect living conditions to be "much worse" in the year ahead;
• Under your charismatic, forward looking agenda Zimbabwe was given a world-wide press freedom index Rank of 155 out of 167 countries;
• Under your stupendously wise decision making Zimbabwe received the following fine letter of recommendation from Amnesty International. "Following [the ZANU-PF government's] first major defeat in a national referendum to change the constitution, the government began using its supporters and state agents to pursue a campaign of repression, aimed at eliminating opposition and silencing dissent. Since then, state-sponsored intimidation, arbitrary arrest, torture and attacks on supporters of the political opposition, human rights defenders and the independent media have steadily escalated."

What better way to batter those critics and nay sayers than with a bit of cool, cold logic eh? So to you Robert and all the fine gentleman of the ZANU-PF government, I would like to salute you! Yes, salute you for doing so much in such a short time - truly inspirational. Now of course no birthday message can be complete without giving some sort of gift, a small token of our feelings to you Dear Leader. In this regard I would like to turn things over to the late, the great Johnny Cash in wishing you, Bob, a most Happy Birthday!

Regards.

Comrade Someamongus.