South Africa

Fitting straight into the Fat Cat mold of I'm-a-manager-so-I'll-do-whatever- I-want comes the management of SAA. Having (there's no other way to put it) LIED to the members of the two main labour unions about the financial health of the airline, the managerial negotiating team were caught with their pants on fire when SAA CEO Khaya "helicopters to meetings" Ngqula proudly announced the airline’s R1-billion profit. WOOPS

 

Of course what happened next is well documented and the airline lost millions of rands due to strike action. Luckily for you all, I have sources who secretly taped the contents of the board meeting when the decision was taken to lie to the unions CUE :

 

Khaya Ngqula (CEO) : "The next matter on the agenda is the wage increases for next year (sounds of laughter and general hilarity in the background at this comment). I propose....quiet down please....I propose at inflation less 3%....a 3% wage increase"

 

Tryphosa Ramano (CFO) : "Our financial projections show a stunning turnaround next year...around R1bn... on the back of our cost cutting measures and of course your fine leadership Sir!"

 

KN : "You are correct Mr Ramano my Titanic leadership is a beacon to all, now back to the wage increases. I am somewhat concerned that the unions may push for a higher settlement"

 

Viwe Mlenzana (HR) : "Not to worry boss, me and Richson Mboweni have an airtight scheme for dealing with those buffoons. We will pretend the company is in a worse position than it was last year. That way we'll batter them down to 3%" (sounds of applause and backslapping over this fine idea) 

 

TR : "Umm but what of the projections for next year...shouldn't we factor that in to the negotiations. Let me put it another way how will we distract the unions if the projections prove correct."?

 

(general silence)

 

(eruption of laughter) 

 

KN : "Ahh Mr Ramano sometimes you are too much, who knew a CFO could have such a great sense of humour!"

 

TR : "Thankyou Sir I'm glad you enjoyed my little joke." (sounds of high fives??)

 

KN : "Well then thats settled...I have another FNB social to go to about 5km away so I will see you gentlemen later"

 

VM : "Great seeing you again Sir, we hardly ever meet due to your frenetic social schedule. Your helicopter is ready outside for that 5km trip to the meeting...hope to see you soon"

 

(meeting ends)